I went on a run with my dad this morning. It's a gorgeous day in Houston - 65 degrees, clear blue skies. Pre-November 4th I would've relished in the bliss that is sunshine and tired legs, but I didn't. I just put one foot in front of the other. Life right now is about going through the motions.
Grief comes in waves. It's a really painful cycle.
One minute I'm calm, together and okay.
Another minute I get a flashback, I see a photo or I hear Jimmy's laugh and it rips me apart - I feel dark, empty. Numb. The still moments are really numb.
It's almost as if my spectrum of feelings has shifted from sad >> happy to just simply scales of sadness. There is the "really, really dark sad" on one end of the spectrum and simply "less sad" on the other end of the spectrum.
Every day I swing from one end of the spectrum to the other. I can't hop over to another spectrum. I stay on this one and just move along it, back and forth.