From time to time I want to share notes that I've received or thoughts that come to mind that help with the grieving and healing process, with the hope that I can help someone else.
I'm not in this alone. So many of you were Jimmy's best of friends. So many of you spent far more time with Jimmy over the last ten years than I did because you went to school together, you dated, you worked together, you lived together... I know you also have a big gaping hole in your heart and that you are also trying to figure out how to get through these dark days.
These words, shared to me on Saturday from a dear friend, felt good and helpful. I hope they help you too.
"There's no way to prepare and there's no "right" way to grieve. You are fully entitled to whatever emotions you have. You get to own it and feel what you want and handle it how you want. You don't have to be a perfect daughter or sister.
All you have to do right now is be Melissa. Mourn Jimmy, cherish him and what you had. He will never fully leave you. He will always be in you and of you. It will never be the same. But it gets to a new normal eventually.
That's what I learned at least. I know our circumstances are very different. But I understand part of your pain and I want you to understand your full range of pain too.
There isn't a right or wrong. I mean, there's a sphere of wrong...violence, too much drugs/alcohol, hitting family, sex with random strangers. Those are all wrong ways of handling it. But everything else is fine. Some people mourn in deep grief and solitude, some dive into a project, some seek solace with family, some hook up with an ex, some just grapple day by day...
This will sound so stupid, but please believe me. This gets better. Not quickly. Not tomorrow. But eventually."