Top Five Things to Say
Top Five Things to Say To Someone in Mourning
1. "Let's Go To...", "I Have Picked This Up For You...", "I Made a Reservation For Us..." Our natural instinct is to tell people to reach out when they need us ("let me know if you need anything") or that you are there for them , but in my experience I don't have enough mental capacity or wherewithal somedays to think to ask for help, or to think of going out and doing something. If you want to help, just show up and I'll likely be on board with whatever plans you may have. If I'm not in a good place to do something, I'll say so. Just don't take it personally. Some days I need to be by myself, other days I can't handle 5 minutes of alone time.
2. Address the Situation Head On. Please don't be afraid that it will be awkward or that I won't want to talk about it. Bring positive energy. Say how fucked up everything is. Get sad and angry with me. But please, for the love of God, don't pretend like nothing happened. My life turned upside down. It is all I think about all day, every day. Act as if I got a tattoo on my forehead.
3. Say You Are Thinking of Us/Praying/Sending Good Vibes. I'm not a religious person but it is still comforting to hear you are praying for me and my family.
4. Do NOT say "It Was God's Plan" or that "Everything Happens For a Reason". I will punch you in the gut.
5. Do Something in Their Honor. Volunteer for a day and tell us you did it for our loved one. Donate money to a good cause in their name. In my case if it has anything to do with the Green Berets or military vets, even better. Run a race in their honor. Take photos of what you did and tell us about it. Don't ask for permission, just do it. All these acts of generosity and kindness warm my heart because I know my brother's love and kindness is being carried out by others.