My New Year's Resolutions

My New Year's Resolutions

I'm not excited to start the new year like I normally am. When midnight struck I wasn't happy about it. I didn't make any grand plans for greatness in 2017. I didn't even think to create any resolutions until now.

In fact, it was heartbreakingly painful to see 2016 end, because that was the last year that Jimmy got to live. I don't know if I'm ready to move out of 2016 just yet. When it comes to missing someone who is gone "moving on" is not what you do. Life is just different. A bit more empty. For lack of better terms, it just feels a lot shittier.

As every meme ended the year with jokes about how terrible 2016 was, I thought to myself and wanted to scream, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TERRIBLE 2016 WAS.

 Arlington Cemetery, December 5th

Arlington Cemetery, December 5th

In fact, before I share my resolutions let me just say something about that because I've hit my limit with petty whining. My patience for hearing people complain has hit an all time low. Whenever I hear anything that isn't life threatening, my inner dialogue says, "your brother didn't die, so it can't be that bad". I don't say it out loud because I would stop getting invited places.

I don't mean to be negative or insensitive, but when you go through something as life changing as tragically losing one of your favorite people, you realize what's actually important in life. What really merits complaining about. And well, we all have it pretty good if we have our family (and friends who are family) and our health.

So here we are, my gloomiest New Year's resolutions yet:

  1. Put one foot in front of the other.
  2. No alcohol until after I run Ragnar in Luckenbach, TX (3/31)
  3. Get shit done.

That's it.

This post won't end on a high note or pass along words of hope or optimism, because sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort that is reality.

Grief is Just Love With No Place to Go

The reality is...